I remember I had a conversation some time ago in which I got all huffy puffy about the topic. Basically my two male friends told me, if you are single at this stage in life something is wrong with you. This was coming from two guys, one was my age (early thirties), in a relationship, and the other was in his mid 40s, divorced. They explained if you are not taken, or in some sort of relationship, something is wrong with you. Of course I thought they were wrong. Nope nope, I was not having this. I was a single independent woman and thought nothing was wrong with me. And I didn’t think being single was anything to be ashamed of either. Some people can be happy by themselves. Why do you need a significant other in your life to be happy? I forgot how we ended that conversation, but I went home still fuming.
As I continue to date in my thirties I hate to admit that maybe they were right. Some of the dudes I date have plenty of baggage (not that I don’t). At my age, single guys come with kids, have been divorced, balding, out of shape, cannot commit to anything, and can barely return a text message out of courtesy (Are you kidding me? That’s just too much work. Right brah?).
But yet, I continue to date and hope that I will find a nice guy who wouldn’t mind being called “My boyfriend” (Boyfriend? Again, asking for too much lady. Right brah?). And just like they have their issues, I have mine.
So why do I keep dating? Some times I look around at couples and I see so much gloominess. Some couples seem to be together to just make each other miserable. Are they always bickering and fighting, or is that just when 3rd parties are around? Some people just look defeated. Are they just compromising? Are they just in this relationship so they don’t have to be single? Maybe it’s money? Maybe it’s comfort? Maybe it truly is love? I don’t know. I have about forgotten what love looks or feels like. And lets not forget about the cheaters, and the office affairs. Those guys are just greedy.
Of course there are the couples that truly do make a great team. These are the ones that give me hope. Thank god for them and their cute families.
But I keep thinking being single is looked down upon. Even the people cheating on their significant others look down on single people! What’s up with that?
Now how many times do my friends and coworkers ask me who am I dating now? Why am I not dating someone? Why don’t I change this or that so I can meet someone? When am I going to start a family? Tick tock tick tick. So you deal with this imaginary pressure that everyone puts on you.
So then I do see my two friends point. The “good ones” do seem to be taken. The guys I know that have their shit together all seem coupled up. As a matter of fact, I feel like everyone at my job is already married or in some sort of relationship. Even I can’t say I’m a “good one”. I got my quirks. I am a super shy, anxious, unfashionable, petite little thing. Whoever dates me has to put up with my baggage along with theirs.
But the final nail in the coffin, despite everyone’s issues, or status…is that we all have these great expectations or what a man/women should be and they are never in sync with the other person. That is just how it is. The rare couples that work together have sort of synced things up. Kudos to them. But for the rest, good luck! The single people will probably keep being single. And the couples that look miserable…will probably keep looking miserable until someone caves. That’s just the way it works…and then they will start dating and learn that…there is no body left…so get ready to lower your expectations and compromise.
How low do you really need to lower your standards and expectations? So the argument goes full circle again. Do you really need someone to be happy? Is something wrong with you if you are single at this age? There might be. But some times being single is better than being in an unhappy relationship. Things might still work out. Who knows. But the one thing I do know is that dating at this age really does suck.
Thanks for reading,